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What is Tantra?

"Tantra is much more than glorified sex. Sexual Energy becomes a powerful tool for awakening True Self. You can live in bliss by just removing the obstructions. When the mind is still and the body flowing with primal energy, something remarkable happens-an alchemical merging of spirit and matter. You embody God and realize the presence of the Divine in all aspects of life." Bodhi Avinasha

What is Tantra ?

"The expression of Bliss and the essence of emptiness
Will then dawn as the Mahamudra of indivisible and emptiness
If you become attached and cling, it is the cause of rebirth as a god in Realms of Desire.
The Sanskrit word tantra means the warp of a loom or the strands of a braid. Like the strings of a warp, the tantra practices serve as a structure for intertwining the sutra themes to weave a tapestry of enlightenment. Moreover, tantra combines physical, verbal, and mental expressions of each practice, which braid together creating a holistic
path of development. Because one cannot integrate and practice simultaneously all the sutra themes without previously training in each individually, tantra practice is extremely advanced." Rita Hraiz

What is Tantra ?


The questions below have been asked over the last few years by festival audiences, students and teachers and I hope the answers please you and provoke you to continue asking What is Tantra ?

We would love to hear from you with further questions, alternative answers or comments

Download this page as a PDF here
Om Shanti, Bernadette Vallely, 2009
  1. WHAT IS TANTRA?
  2. What are the benefits of Tantra?
  3. Why “Tantric parties” have spanking and S&M” ?
  4. How can I related to my partner better with Tantra?
  5. What practices can I do on a daily basis on my own?
  6. I feel upset during a workshop when I have to work with someone and I feel I do not want to,    what can I do?
  7. What does Tantra have to say about Money?
  8. How can I have Tantra in my working life?
  9. I hear about Tantric chocolate cake, what does that mean?
  10. How can spiritual practices include sex?
  11. What is the difference between Hedonism and Tantrism?
  12. Where can I do Tantra on a regular basis?
  13. What should I use as a tool to overcome fear from other people?
  14. I want to be at one with the Universe, I do not like the life I have and I want to overcome all the difficulties I am confronted with now, can Tantra help?
  15. I do not enjoy sex with my partner. Can Tantra teach him how to be more considerate and passionate. I hear Tantric sex lasts for hours.
  16. I want to know how can tantra help save my Karma, I seem to have a lot of bad luck.
  17. How does tantra differ from swinging?
  18. There are different types of Tantra out there, who can I choose without trying it all?
  19. I want to become a Tantra teacher, what course shall I do first and can I learn it in a weekend like Reiki?
  20. Can you please summarise a definitive description of  Tantra so we can make an article (tabloid news paper)
  21. Can Tantra help me with my back pain?
  22. I cannot have an orgasm, can Tantra help me please?
  23. I don’t get on with my family. I heard that Tantra helps relationships. Can Tantra help me deal with them?
  24. I am catholic and I read that Tantra uses sex. It is a self proclaiming argument justifying itself. It is that the flesh is weak. How can you mislead people promoting sex in the name of enlightenment?
  25. My husband went to a Tantra workshop and we are now separated because of this, You are all evil. how can you do this to peoples lives?
  26. You are a dangerous cult and should be reported to the authorities. Have you anything to say for yourselves?
  27. I have these experiences where I hear and see God talking to me, telling me to do things. Is this a Tantric experience?
  28. I felt at one with the Universe and everything was so blissful. Then I returned to my life in the city and everything I had experienced disappeared. I was very low down for weeks afterwards. How can I capture this.
  29. I hate the job that I am in, what does Tantra have to say about it?
  30. I do not like having sex with my partner and I don’t have any desire for it. My partner has a very strong sex drive and I am afraid it will break us apart. Can Tantra help me?
  31. I have teenage children and they think that I am having sex with lots of people when I go to do Tantra. I don’t understand it all but I enjoy doing exercises with many partners.
  32. What does intimacy and love have to do with Tantra.
  33. How can I manage my sexual drive. I seem to be turned on at a drop of a hat, several times in an hour even. Can Tantra help?
  34. I love my partner but she does not understand my emotional and physical needs. I want to learn about Tantra. What can you advise me?
  35. What is a Tantric Massage? What is the difference between it and ordinary massage?
  36. I want to be able to ejaculate, will a Tantric massage help?
  37. I want to be able to come, will a Tantric massage be suitable?
  38. What happens in a Tantric massage?
  39. Will the Tantric masseur sleep with me? I want to feel her inside.
  40. I need sexual healing, I have been traumatised as a child and sexually abused and molested. Can Tantra help? I am a man and it has destroyed my life.
  41. I want to get away from my life, my husband and job. Can Tantra help me make a decision?
  42. How can I become enlightened?
  43. Do they do a lot of tantra in India? Is Tantra Indian?
  44. Is Tantra a religion? Is it a religion?
  45. Do I have to Believe in Tantra before I do it or can benefit from it?
  46. Are there different types of Tantra?
  47. Tell me the different colours of Tantra.
  48. Does Tantra have a practical application to life?
  49. Do I need to follow a Guru to do Tantra? Why should I follow a Guru?
  50. Should I do anything my teacher / master tells me to do?
  51. Why do Gurus tell people to do sex with people they do not know?
  52. What is the rainbow body?
  53. What does Tantra have to say about relationships?
  54. What does Tantra have to say about gay / lesbian relationships?
  55. What is the difference between Tantric sex and psychedelic sex?
  56. Are there any age limits?
  57. How could I be tantric when I meet my new lover?
  58. Can I choose what I want to wear at a tantric workshop? Do I have to be naked?
  59. Is tantra dangerous in any way?
  60. Do tantric practises include group sex or sexual intercourse with two women as I am a man who fantasises about this?
  61. I am a person with many fantasies, would tantra help me or make my mental passion worse?
  62. If I engaged in tantric practises with my friends, would this affect our normal friendship and social relationship?
  63. If I was new to tantra could I be exploited or subject to unscrupulous practises?
  64. What is the origin of Tantra?
  65. Is masturbation an essential part of tantra?
  66. Can I get high from tantric practises?
  67. How can I start tantric practises right now then?
  68. Why is tantra associated with sex in the west?

1.

What is Tantra?

Is tantra a way of life? A religion? A spiritual text? A sexual ritual? Embodied realities? Spirituality in the Body? A practise to experience the Divinity within? Consciousness and self-realisation? Love in the physical body? Actions undertaken with consciousness? Contact with the God or Goddess within?

There is no simple answer to the question, What is Tantra? And the nature of true tantra is that there doesn’t need to be either. This is mainly because over thousands of years the meaning has changed to suit current trends and our global or cultural understanding. Of course, there is no one answer any more than any of the answers being either “right” or “wrong”.

The What is Tantra? London Festival of Tantra aims to explore the similarities and differences in this ancient and profound spiritual practise.

Different cultures also answer the question in their own way too. In the UK, modern tantra might be linked almost exclusively to sex practises in terms of the media and popular culture and some organisations have expounded this idea successfully. In India, modern tantra is considered similar to black magic by many people who denounce its historical links even though many of the core practises originated there and were deeply profound widespread practises. In many modern Buddhist practises tantra has nothing to do with sex or sensuality, but instead concentrates on an entirely personal, spiritual practise, based often on inner visualisations, meditations and the use of mantras to achieve personal Buddhahood.

The tantric chant, and national anthem for Tibet, Om Mani Padme Hum, expresses eloquently the harmonising bliss of balance when masculine, Godhead is in perfect balance with feminine, Goddess. Known also as the Jewel in the Lotus, the chant is the core of Tibetan spiritual practise chanted by millions of Buddhists and tantrikas in order to create peace and harmony for themselves and all sentient beings. With this peace, and spiritual attainment, humankind can “come home” to understand that they are all part of One. The highest state possible is liquid cosmic fire, and as such are the fire elements of Universal Oneness.

Harmony and awakening consciousness is a feature of tantra and a core reason why two people together, in spiritual practise, can help to harmonise and balance the other towards enlightenment during sexual practise. Couples use tantra to experience the Divinity Within and joint practise and intention is very powerful.

When you do find yourself on the tantra stream of life there is an inner understanding, a knowing, a spiritual understanding, that circumnavigates all these questions and processes with the extraordinary juxtaposition of knowing nothing and feeling like you understand everything. And this takes place all in the same warm bliss of emptiness and “non-doing”. This is all the while allowing you to personally be more dynamic in “doing” and being active if that is your desire, principally because you can be more awake, more alive, more present in your soul.

For me the path of Tantra has unfolded in both my personal spiritual and sexual journey. I understand Tantra doesn’t have to be connected to sexual practises, but many are and generally because the sexual act creates immense energy where dimensions can be experienced, and through right relationship, self realization can unfold in relation to others. Learning in relationship is an important element of being human and in order to have a tantric relationship openness, service, commitment, surrender and self-realisation are challenged. Tantra has also been called The Yoga of Relationship.

I have practised and learnt some extraordinary forms of tantra all of which have some spiritual similarities and yet all of which can be culturally diverse. I started my tantric journey as a young woman by learning how to raise energy and work in nature with sex energy in Goddess and Celtic sex ritual practises. This was a key trigger for me to learn to revere and honour nature. From then I started hatha yoga study, and learned of approaches as diverse as the universe but included the meditational work involved in the powerful White Tantric Yoga practises, secret to everyone other than initiates who learn and practise kundalini yoga. From that I studied many forms of yoga and in the last few years especially I have found a home in Tantric Kriya Yoga as a daily practise.

A core tantric teaching from many schools is one that females are part of the psychic-spiritual answer to help men to rebirth and reach enlightenment. This imbibes the female as a living deity and thus ensures she is honoured and ritually acknowledged. Many tantric doctrines assert that the female is generally naturally programmed to open and help re-birth a man and can also be done without initiation. Taoism considers human females to be “life itself”. One form of tantra, still practised in India involves a husband prostrating himself before his wife each morning, honouring her open Yoni, chanting in Sanskrit Mantra style “Yoni! Yoni! Yoni!”

Alchemy and sex magic to transmute sex energy used to be practised widely in cultures including ancient Egypt and Medieval Europe but might as well be secret in today’s culture there are so few places to discover this power. But the sex magic of the Goddess Isis remains as an example of the esoteric tantric breath-based inner practise to raise the Shakti or kundalini through the spine and use the elixirs produced to create ecstatic states of consciousness and magical potential. I have enjoyed learning and remembering these practises from a few very special teachers. These are the kind of esoteric exercises reputed to be the same ones practised by Jesus and Mary Magdalene in their tantric relationship, according to several current spiritual teachers.

In tantric yoga the tools and techniques are similar to alchemy in that the seducing and transmuting of the forces of matter and nature are key. Tantrikas see the entire universe as the dancing, moving and sexing of the forces of duality, of Shiva/masculine and Shakti/feminine. The yoga sutras, or writings are the teachings to explain and explore intellectually how to live within this duality.

In my study of Buddhism I have also learned some of the extraordinary and subtle applications and teachings of Tantric, Zen and Tibetan Buddhism. The core understanding and message I have learned from such a vast number of schools of thought do correlate the message of rightful speech, rightful action, purity of behaviour and thought, honouring the body as a temple, compassionate action and harmonious living as the way to live life in order to work towards enlightenment.

These ethical constructs are similar to most yoga disciplines. Tantra is an active form of yoga. Most Western yoga just concentrates on the physical body, creating a firm or stretched physical space with asanas, often with gentle meditation as a form of rest or stress-release.

Tantra takes yoga to a place where the goal is enlightenment or self-realisation using many tools to clean and clear the bodies energy. Asanas and mudras, or yoga postures, are used to purify and activate spiritual body currents, breathing techniques to create awareness, meditation and mantras to create harmony and resonance in the universe and in the personal body.

This “enlightenment” has a psycho-physical effect and an alchemical effect on the inner and subtle bodies. Regular tantric yoga practise creates a psychic circuit to build in the body, also known as a “Golden Body of Light”. This practise helps to lighten a person, so their inner nadis and nodes are bright. Other people see a shiny, or bright, radiant, inspirational, or very clear person.

A profound message of all Buddhism seems to be non-attachment. The study of non-attachment has liberated me as a soul from my recent and ancient past. In rightful relationships this can be challenging but nonetheless powerful and ultimately can lead to deep love and compassion for all beings as well as more personal peace and inner power. It has allowed me to share Love with many more people openly and deeply and I consider myself grateful to be Loved by the Universe in return. In this sense I experience Love with a sunset or a tree as well as with many humans.

In many of these practises the Shakti, or female energy which resides in the first lower chakra or Mooladhara, rises or is encouraged to rise, inside the body. This is the physical start of the inner alchemical experience of tantra. Uncontrollable involuntary shaking can happen as Shakti is released and rises towards the crown. This is the start of a true orgasm and allows a soul to heal, repair, open and enjoy their bodies working on several profound levels. This kind of orgasm doesn’t need to be sexual or shared with a partner either.

I want to attempt to explain just some of the versions of tantra that I have learned so far other than those already mentioned.

Tantric Kriya Yoga

This practise has crystallised my personal sexual experience with a daily spiritual practise and the key element is the clarity and scientific approach to the body and how it reacts to breath and the creation of process towards self-realisation. Hatha yoga is the foundation practise for this powerful form of yoga as it prepares and cleans the physical body. Kriya yoga allows self-realization of the personal ego therefore helping a soul to ascend in spiritual knowledge and understanding.

The core practise of this tantra is the Cobra Breath, a stabilizing force within the body that quite literally wakes up the practitioner each day. I have experienced profound, extraordinary and extreme spiritual happenings in the preparation for and practise of Cobra Breath both in private practise and during sexual intercourse with my Beloved.

In Cobra Breath I have experienced during just one single breath the Universal Everything. That is Everything existing within the energy of the personal body. My Divinity Within had an explosive and dynamic wake up, not unlike coming out of the matrix! I have never looked back from my experiences of this form of tantra known as Tantric Kriya Yoga.

Kriya Yoga is over-lighted, guided and taught to us by the holy Mata Avatar Babaji whose chooses subtlety, exquisite lovemaking through the heart chakra, sounds healing and yoga of the breath to enable us towards self-realisation and spiritual bliss. The practise is lucid, extraordinary and life-changing.

I am in deep gratitude for the extraordinary lessons learnt and love gained as a result of knowing Babaji. In his honour we say “Om Kriya Babaji Namah Aum”.

Vama Marga Tantra

I have also learnt the gentle practise of Vama Marga Tantra over a period of several years. I have allowed my sensuality to reach new heights. Principally the practise is a bliss-filled erotic and sexual one. The bliss comes with the gentle, compassionate, beautiful, erotic spreading of energy of sex throughout the physical and subtle bodies in what you might call prolonged foreplay.

In fact the whole body becomes at one with itself in the process of enticing all of the skin into a magnificent sexual organ. The delicious grace and excitement allows my body to palpitate with sexual-sensual energy and yet feel like a budding, bursting nectar-filled flower. I feel in total harmony when this nectar flows around my body and I know I am healed.

The centre of this practise is the heart. The heart allows perfect communion, perfect love and bliss to flow from the whole body and to open fully to the universe.

This is the conversation – from one heart to another, from heart to universe and beyond. The work has profound psychic and psychological effects. This is what I call Healing Love. By accessing the subtle bodies in harmony and bliss the nectar of the inner body, inner-alchemy, flows and heals everything. In this practise there is no masculinity or femininity, there is nothing to achieve except pleasure and a goal-less divine experience. The encounter with the Divine Bliss in the human body is then only limited by the time you have available to explore it.

The more the body resides in a place of natural bliss, ecstatic experience and harmony the less afraid, sick and empty the body is able to be. The practise reminds us that our bodies are made to be in harmony and total joy. We are physically, physiologically and psychically programmed for bliss and happiness. Tantra is therefore the path of action to release this bliss.

Troubadour Tantra

This form of tantra is native to Europe. It has been taught to me by my teacher/master who is an exquisite perfectionist of this art which combines culture, music as a sensory experience, and the most subtle form of erotica I have ever known. It starts by using music, poetry and art to convey secrets, desires and communications of mutual respect or erotica.

The courtship of the senses can literally eroticise the whole body, including the subtle psychic bodies. Sometimes fabrics, natural objects, silk or flowers are used, sometimes food, music, poetry, all manner of things to unlock and stimulate the extra-sensitive erotic senses. When such an erotic force or energy is built up over many weeks or months, the result of a true physical union can be explosive. I have been moved to Shakti shaking and full body orgasm just by a hand placed decisively and in full consciousness on my soft skin, or even when fully clothed.

When two souls are naked in this practise the entire body becomes as musical instruments. The body is “played” like a sexual lute or harp, the noises of satisfaction and pleasure from each partner shows the tone, sounds and level of music from the body. When the body is fully tuned up, bliss is extra sensory, all-body and incredible. Every noise made by the couple and their environment, are the notes of the symphony. When in harmony, they create the note of bliss, the harmonic convergence, the harmony of heaven. All the dimensions open, and contact is absolute.

This allows the opening of subtle realms, spiritual conversations, unusual and erotic music, never heard on a modern record or radio….the music and real sounds of the true universal body appear and can be heard by the lovers. By the use of the fingers pushing energy centres in the body, not unlike sexual reflexology, the body is stimulated and moved in intensity and sounds.

The mouth is clearly the most important part of the body to make the noises but somehow there is also a musical symphony that is audible from each and every cell and bone, every hair and organs. In its most simple form it can be heard as the moaning and groaning of good sex which everyone is able and capable of hearing. When fully awake and turned on, it represents the most special body-frequency that opens the realms of all dimensions and allows a cosmic conversation between the vibration of your soul and that of another.

It is through these encounters of super sensuality, I became aware that I was flowering, becoming like a flower in my body, definitely flowering in my Yoni. I began to “make” flowers and rose petals inside my yoni. These rise inside me, drifting upwards, causing subtle yet extreme forms of bliss to arise within me. When I am in harmony and ecstasy with my Beloved, they rise through my crown chakra at the top of my head, and on into a ring of flames about one metre surrounding my body. They are of course then burned but it seems countless amounts can be produced. The more I flower as a woman, a Tantrika, the more I feel in my rightful energy as a soul.

Hello Yoga

Although this is not widely known as a tantric practise I am recounting the experience of this form of yoga because I believe it truly sums up the relationship between wo/man and tantric space. The practise was first taught to me by a beautiful woman in California in the 1990’s who lets just say came from a very unusual cosmic place indeed. In my teaching of sexual energy and tantra I have come to work with these energies and expand on the exercises more and more in relationship building and intimacy work.

To meet another person or yourself, in real time, in definite conscious connection, a person needs to be delicate, even slower and more specific than most “meetings” in modern society. Is there a place where you can meet yourself in true harmony? Neither pushing nor pulling? Neither taking too much nor giving too much? This yoga works on so many levels of relationship that a practising couple start to wake up to personal and emotional games, co-dependencies, relationship burdens and sometimes in a shocking way.

This is not necessarily equal and in harmony and balance with the other person. In fact most human meetings take place in an unbalanced way, pushing and pulling like a psychic bully, or fully merging and being unclear.

The energy can be an exchange of words, financial deeds, touching, paying for something, at work together. We meet and interact with humans in so many ways, the energy of these meetings in its purest form is this light vibration that we share together.

Essentially the practise is this in its simplest form. Imagine a stream of white light comes from your hand. Take your hand and place it on your heart. Allow the stream of energy to “meet” your heart. Allow your heart to “meet” this energy back, in effect saying “hello”. Don’t let the energy from your hand or your heart, take over, push into one side too much or too little. You need to find a place where the energies meet in total harmony, total equality, basically where there is no tension between the meeting, and exactly in the middle. It just is. When you can feel the subtlety of the meeting in your own body you can start to understand this energy.

If you feel bad about a place in your body, try this exercise. Wake up those parts of yourself that you dishonour, loathe, hate or constantly put down by negative thinking. Start to say “hello” to the whole of your body. How much do you ignore, dishonour, loathe your own self?

Now consider that you meet someone else. If you are not conscious or awake, you will use all of your past human prejudices, skills and experiences to meet that person in the way that you always have. Many relationships of intimacy end up with people merging into each other. This often creates a co-dependant or attachment relationship.

In sexual relationships the feelings are intensified and it is often easier to feel the meeting of the two energies together. When you become adept at understanding these energies you will start to observe a space, sometimes huge, sometimes wafer thin, in between the two energies.

This space is actually connected to everything.

It is part of the Whole. It joins and binds us together and we move through it, with it, in it. We literally breath it in physical form. It is most certainly Divine space. When this space between two people becomes part of the sensory experience of souls – I call it tantra.

There are more forms of tantra than you can imagine. The incredible power and joy from all of them are difficult to explain in mere words, only true experience, personal knowing, will do it. Then you can try to answer such a seemingly simple and yet cunningly complex question as What is Tantra?

Blessings to you on your tantric journey. Om Shanti.

Bernadette Vallely, www.sacredsexrevival.com

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2. What are the benefits of tantra?

Some of the benefits of Tantra are:

An increased awareness of Self. Self-realisation is the key to profound spiritual awakening.

A readiness for death. Tantra allows a person to become at peace with his/her human self, to be prepared for a conscious death.

A sense of universal orgasm with both nature and people.
Tantra allows extra sensory perception with natural elements, the experience is blissful and light years beyond sexual genital-based orgasm.

A repairing and healing of the physical body with speed and perfect precision.

A total belief and understanding through direct personal knowledge and experience, that everything is One.

Deepening Gratitude and Love within a Relationship. Connection with your Beloved on all soul levels.

Conscious release from neuroses, traumas, emotional upheavals, difficulties.

Deepening intensity and clarity surrounding psychic understanding, subconscious and dream states.

In understanding the Divinity of the Self, Tantra prepares a soul for liberation.

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3. Why “Tantric parties” have spanking and S&M” ?

Where are they then?

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4. How can I related to my partner better with Tantra?

Relating to everyone is more profound when a person studies tantra. There are so many layers of intricate and subtle energies that flow between people the more that is learned about how to be respectful, harmless and compassionate with other beings serves to help all relationships and the world.

Being awake or conscious and non-attached is a powerful tool in relationships which counters behavioural patterns that are draining, co-dependant and limiting.

Relating is also more powerful when it slows down. Sexual tantric practises can teach a couple to experience more bliss without goal-oriented sexual orgasm in a slow, gentle, deep connection.

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5. What practices can I do on a daily basis on my own?

I practise Tantric Kriya yoga in the form of Cobra Breath daily. This uses my sexual juices, which are most potent each morning, and awakens the rest of my body through my psychic channels. I refine and charge the energy of my sex into a spiritual force. The practise can be done alone or with a lover.

In the past I have practised hatha and then kundalini yoga daily, and for long periods including the present, I am nurtured and strengthened by some form of meditation during the day. Sometimes this includes meditation and taking Deeksha, a blessing, from my yoga Master.

The easiest and most versatile daily spiritual practise I have found is the reciting of mantras as a form of devotional worship which also aids the re-calibration of the mind-body balance and healing. Chanting when I am walking, cycling, in a queue, when facing adverse conditions or with difficult people has strengthened me enormously. If I can’t think what to chant I will usually chant Om Shanti.

If I am in a quiet space I like to chant inwardly with my breath in the special Kriya chant, So (on the in-breath through the nose) and Ham (on the out breath through the mouth). This is the mantra of surrender, the graceful swan, which brings us to a place of peace and inner acceptance of who we are and why we are here.

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6. I feel upset during a workshop when I have to work with someone and I feel I do not want to,    what can I do?

You can decide to experience this person as a God or Goddess of your choice. In that respect you will find the best part of that person coming forward to meet you and you will have a better experience. Whisper Om Shakti to a woman and Om Shiva to a man to help this. Visualise the person as a God or Goddess in front of you.

If you find that you don’t really want to work with someone you can always simply say so, there is no forcing on a tantric workshop. You might like to look at this person and decide if you are angry, repulsed, overwhelmed, frightened etc of this person and what they represent for you in your life. Use the experience of negativity in tantric relationship to teach you and allow you to experience unconditional love, no matter how difficult.

Sometimes in a workshop I have to remind students that they are not getting married to the person, they are simply undertaking an intimate ritual with them for the length of the workshop session!

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7. What does Tantra have to say about Money?

I’ve never heard any one link tantra and money specifically.

If they did it might be along the following lines.

Do what you Love and the money comes.

Speak and act in truth and you will have nothing to fear in your business dealings with others.

Deal fairly, simply, truthfully and honestly with those around you.

Appreciate and show gratitude to those people who work for you and with you.

Accept gifts and love from the universe in many ways. Feel the abundance around you from so many sources you are unable to count them.

Don’t let your love of money to rule your lower self, your Mooladhara chakra. Become free of attachment to money as a means to any end. Move towards a love-based economy, where you value deeper relationships and connections with others.

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8. How can I have Tantra in my working life?

Tantra is a way of life, it relates specifically to your life view, how you operate, how you behave. This is not about sexual gratification.

It's more powerful when tantra is considered a process of self-awakening. In this sense your working life in tantra is a conscious, awake one.

How do you meet and relate to people? How do you do business? Is this what you think a tantrika would do? Are you conscious of the links, relationships, energies and forces happening when you are at work? Is your work in harmony with your spiritual ethics? Your choices in work are as important as your choices in love. Love what you do. Tell the Truth. Then you will have no fears at work.

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9. I hear about Tantric chocolate cake, what does that mean?

I’ve never heard of tantric chocolate cake but if I had I think it would be something like this:
Recipe for Tantric Chocolate Cake

  • Take one dark purple sky, twinkling stars and with the warmth of summer
  • Silently observe yourself and your lover in silhouette on the earth
  • Look deeply into their eyes and say “hello, namaste, welcome to you blessed One”
  • Build a fragrant wood fire burning cedar and sage
  • Slowly unwrap the lush, fair trade, organic,
    gluten-free, egg-free chocolate cake
    (that you lovingly prepared earlier)
    made with ground almond paste and deep rich and moist, thick, lickable chocolate icing
  • Cut a double slice
  • Hold it to the air in triumph and gratitude,
  • Open some champagne (or appropriate locally produced beverage)
    to celebrate together life’s goodness and joy
  • Crush the cake and spread some on your lovers body
  • Allowing crumbs to fall inside
  • At any place your mouth can tickle
  • Play for as long as you can.
  • Eat as much cake as you can.
  • Enjoy.
  • Thanks.

Bliss.

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10. How can spiritual practices include sex?

There is no one on earth that is born without sex being involved (unless you are a test tube baby, but then that is still the merging of the masculine and feminine on a biological level). Sex is a key part of our human activity, our survival our healing and nurturing of both physical and physiological bodies. Sex is also a gateway to the Divine.
In sexual tantra, the lovers become representatives of the God and Goddess, they imbibe and accept their personal divinity and use this Divine Love as a tool to access the Heavens or Bliss. There is nothing dirty about tantric sex, but there is the possibility of everything heavenly.

In many sexual tantric traditions, the opening of the chakras relates to the opening of the other dimensions and the spiritual awakening of the soul. How can this not be a personal spiritual experience?

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11. What is the difference between Hedonism and Tantrism?

I believe hedonism is the unfettered, unconscious actions of a person towards selfish and ego-based gratification of every kind, no matter the consequences. Hedonism is not a spiritual practise.

It is merely physical and ruptures the spiritual veil in the Mooladhara chakra allowing the energy to dissipate and deplete the human. To keep feeding hedonism requires more and more extreme practises. Examples are those who need to be tortured, beaten and to draw blood during sexual practises. Other examples are the need for more extreme pornography to allow orgasm.

In life a hedonistic person could well be in extreme emotional pain, creating a non truth around his or her life that is the core problem. Not addressing these issues is what leads people in extreme non truth, to become part of rape, torture, misogyny, cruelty and beatings in relationships, in society, and in war.

To create a rush of adrenalin through extreme practise of any kind shortens the life of a human. To seek adrenalin in this way can be counter-productive and is the opposite of a tantric, gentle flower opening of the energy centres.

The rest of this work is designed to explain Tantrism in its many forms. I hope it does for you.

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12. Where can I do Tantra on a regular basis?

There are classes workshops and teachers of tantra scattered throughout the UK. I suggest that people try a few experiences to get the measure of the teachers and various varieties of tantra on offer before committing to one form as they are often so varied.

Better still, tune into your inner wisdom, meditate on the question and go directly to the most suitable teacher you can visualise at that time.

Tantra as a form of self-realisation and consciousness means that you can practise at every single minute of every day. To be awake and present means living in the NOW, not ruminating or squealing about the past, or staring wistfully into the future. Live Now – Live Tantra.

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13. What should I use as a tool to overcome fear from other people?

Any form of fear of other people can be approached on many spiritual levels. A daily practise whether tantric or not, can help a person become more at peace. Meditation, mantras, yoga can all help a person to calm their physical bodies and their minds.

Hatha yoga, Tai Chi and similar mind-body practises instil both physical and mental confidence in a person which in turn helps them become more grounded and stronger in all relationships.

Personal consciousness and self-realisation can help a person become aware of the underlying causes of their fears, especially in relationship. The work includes psychotherapy, counselling and spiritual guidance. There is no substitute for your own mind finding out what drives it, what its making you think and act like, and what its telling you about other people.
Attention to the body in terms of good nutrition and exercise are key components in helping people with erratic emotions or nervous conditions that exacerbate all kinds of fears and paranoia’s.

Fear is often also associated with guilt, lies to the self and others, betrayal, previous traumatic situations not connected with the current event or relationship.

Observing the self, and why people become afraid of you or you are afraid of them helps to put the situation into perspective. They are all elements of and reflections of you and your own reality. The Universe is sending these people to you in your life in order to show you an experience and to help you learn something about yourself. What is the message for you? How can you show appreciation and gratitude to these people for what they are showing you?

You need to plan, learn and activate a solution. And one that means that you are no longer afraid of people, or create fear in people around you.

Inner Peace is a good first step.

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14. I want to be at one with the Universe, I do not like the life I have and I want to overcome all the difficulties I am confronted with now, can Tantra help?

The life you have is the result of the past you have experienced. It is the result of what you have said and continue to say about yourself and your life choices. Love what you do. Do what you Love. Then there is no tension, no confrontation.

If you do not like your life you must think positively about changing it. Act in change and be change. You are the only person responsible for creating the life you have and the life you want. No matter what you think your karma, the universe or “other people” have done to you.

Adversity is a beautiful mechanism available to have challenging experiences and to learn and grow in self discovery.

All experiences just Are.

Self realisation is the key to the understanding of the One. Tantra can help with this especially if practised as a daily spiritual exercise and in conscious relationship. Understanding the One is a conscious, physical experience. The One is experienced in the body and creates full illumination.

This experience of the One can be accessed by the seeker following yoga practice with sincerity and integrity. Rightful speech, thought and action. Living in access to compassion and social awareness are also part of the actions of a yogi or spiritual tantrika. The practise of Hatha Yoga helps a person to practise the psychic cleansing and physical foundations necessary to prepare the body for such a peak experience as knowing of the One.

Then the practises like kundalini yoga, or tantric kriya yoga can be undertaken to propel your spiritual understanding of yourself. There is no substitute for your own learning and development and creating good clear foundations for who you are as a soul.

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15. I do not enjoy sex with my partner. Can Tantra teach him how to be more considerate and passionate. I hear Tantric sex lasts for hours

I am sorry to hear that you do not enjoy sex with your partner. Many people are in the same position. As many as one in four women have not had an orgasm for example.

This is often to do with the amount of time and energy that is put into the sex act. Is your lovemaking forced or hurried at the end of a long day? Or do you make a specific appointment, preparing yourself for days in advance, both mentally and in your room of love?

Of course you must sit down and talk to your partner about this. Try talking in a non-sexual moment, when you are both dressed but relaxed and happy. Agree to discuss the problems, write down a list of possible solutions. Book a workshop, get a tantric video, meditate together. There are many practical ways you could increase your sexual knowledge together.
During sexual intimacy, the most important thing I can recommend to everyone is to slow down. Take everything about 100 times slower and it gets 100 times more exciting. Don’t make Love to make ejaculation or orgasm. Make Love to be sensuous. Make Love to express Love through the body. Make Love to create union with the Universal and Celestial harmonics.

In Taoist Tantric practises women are considered to be Yin, as water. It takes at least 40 minutes to heat or boil the watery blood of a woman to get her “hot” for wet sex. This can be reached by extended foreplay, by massage, sexy messages and suggestions and games. Remember the average person makes love for about 11-17 minutes! No wonder women are not warmed up enough to experience orgasm! By making Shakti feel loved, appreciated and sexy the Shiva can create a safe environment for the female who is much more willing to play, creatively and sexily once she is made to feel welcome and respected for her sexual self.

A great exercise to show your partner how to touch you in a more sensuous way is to play a game. Take your partners hand and move his hand over your body. Use his hand, or even one or two fingers, to increase sensuous feelings over your body but also to show him the pace, sensitivity and places that you want to be touched. Show him how you want to be touched. If he protests, make him close his eyes, or be blindfold. Undress and show off while you play. Swop over and let him be touched by your hand for more fun.

When I have sex with my Beloved it last for as long as I have time to see him. That might well be for days! I can pace myself, enjoying the erotica of two bodies and I can be juicy for intimacy at any time. Meals and everything else around the time is part of the experience. I value my sexual time with my lover much more, especially as the opportunity to spend several days together is much more difficult when I am busy.

I feel in deep gratitude to be able to make love for days on end, and I know that I can fully flower and my nectar that is released is a great healer to myself and my lover when I practise slow, subtle, erotic Vama Marga Yoga tantric sex practises.

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16. I want to know how can tantra help save my Karma, I seem to have a lot of bad luck.

You could start to speak of yourself and your world in a more positive way. You are responsible for how the world and yourself has an opinion of you.

If you don’t like it, change it. Enjoy the change, relish it and grow with it. It might be that in one or two years you can look back at a sequence of seemingly “bad luck” experiences and realise the universe wanted you to have them in order to help you to another path in your life. Perhaps you are not doing what you love and loving what you do?

If you practise rightful speech, action and thought your karma will change. If you agree to atone somehow for your past with humility and integrity, your karma will change. Tantra is just one of many paths to self-realisation that could help you to see a wider and better perspective about your life’s path and circumstances.

A fabulous place to start is to be more in gratitude for what is good in your life, and what is going well. Concentrate on attracting more of the good by focussing and honouring the good and less of the “bad luck”.

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17. How does Tantra differ from Swinging?

As far as I understand, swinging is the practise of indiscriminate sex with partners that might be unknown to you in parties or arranged events. There is usually no agenda or theme and the practise is not spiritual.

Sexual tantra differs in that there is spiritual ritual involved, and often or just as likely to be no sexual intercourse or penetration. Different schools have their teachings and rituals but the general theme is self-awakening and realisation, often through the physical body.

In tantra everything is sacred. In orgies and swinging, nothing is sacred.

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18. There are different types of Tantra out there, who can I choose without trying it all?

Come to the London Festival of Tantra, our annual festival event at the Chelsea Old Town Hall in September, to see all the best teachers in one day. Choose yourself who you like, take a taster class, experience the vibration, meet interesting people and see how tantra can change your life.

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19. I want to become a Tantra teacher, what course shall I do first and can I learn it in a weekend like Reiki?

You definitely can’t learn to be a tantra teacher in a weekend. The practises and daily way of life is something that should be studied as carefully and methodically as possible if you want to be a teacher of this esoteric art.

To become a teacher people would usually have an inner spiritual calling for tantra and be exceptionally interested in it. A tantra teacher is likely also to be a tantra student for their whole lives.

A good tantra teacher knows and experiences many forms of tantra to understand the connections, the teachings and the differences between each school.

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20. Can you please summarise a definitive description of  Tantra so we can make an article (tabloid news paper)

Tantra is the spiritual practise of awakening and self realisation. The methodology changes from each faith group or spiritual organisation. Tantric practises include ancient rituals such as from the Temple of Isis in Egyptian times, to modern Buddhist practises such as those under Vajrayogini or White Tantric kundalini yoga.

Sexual tantra harnesses the energy of our sexuality to help us awaken to our true selves. There are more than 200 schools of tantra that I have seen.

Some are secret and will only be revealed to a few students for whom it is their sure destiny to discover. Some have never been written down and remain transmitted only through spiritual guides and yogis during arduous initiation ceremonies. I have been taught by spirits and guides including some unique exercises I’ve never seen written.

Some schools practise ritualised and open sexual practises that include some form of sexual-spiritual focus but also use sexual liberation techniques to push people towards more sexual activity.

Some have been revealed to the West from our more open relationship with the East and a larger number of students practise several forms of tantra. Especially through the discipline of Tibetan Buddhism which offers a visualisation based spiritual approach through meditational practises.

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21. Can Tantra help me with my back pain?

People are in pain because they are in disease or distress. People are also in pain because they have lied to themselves about some past memory. Pain is the bodies way to say Wake Up! And change your life, your job, circumstances, energy or behaviour patterns. Tell yourself the truth!

People often say back pain is associated with support. Who is supporting you now at this time? Look at the links in your life and how they correspond to your physical body.
It is likely that you will need a good chiropractor or similar professional to help you with your back on a practical physical level.

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22. I cannot have an orgasm, can Tantra help me please?

Many people have never experienced an orgasm. In the UK it is about one in four women who have yet to experience orgasm for example. Mainly this is because lovers do not spend enough time warming up the body and opening the body.
Tantra can often help. Previous sexual experiences may have immobilized you, they may have traumatised you into fear and closing down your bodies in the form of complex medical conditions or in more subtle ways.

If you have closed your body down in any way due to past sexual experiences then you might need a combination of a) a good lover who will be gentle and sexy for you, ie turn you on not off, b) some form of psychotherapy or self analysis and c) to work on your own sexual self-esteem. Make sure you have cleared past grief. Be grateful for all your sexual experiences and how they have affected you. Try and see the best in all the situations and you will be closer to healing yourself.
Make sure you feel safe when you have sex. Feeling safe differs from person to person. It may mean making sure the door is closed and locked. It might mean leaving enough time for a sexual encounter like a whole weekend of lovemaking. It might be safe for you when your partner talks to you in a certain way or acknowledges you. Decide what you need to be safe and ask for it or create it around you.

Orgasm of the whole body occurs when the body is open and soft. For me it flowers and buds and nectar from my inner body starts to flow. Orgasm can last for a long time, not the one or two seconds most people believe it to last. Orgasm can last as long as you want it too………………

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23. I don’t get on with my family. I heard that Tantra helps relationships. Can Tantra help me deal with them?

Tantra might help you to see your relationships with more clarity. Being conscious about yourself is a definite help. Your family are also reflections of yourself. Sometimes the universe uses them to show you things about yourself that you have to deal with or come to terms with.

Its not healthy to be too attached to your family and friends. Non-attachment is an important part of Buddhist tantra. You might have to work on yourself and your attachments to realise that you have power only over yourself and your body. Fear and anger are just two ways to attach to a person. Through fear and anger you have given them power and energy that should be yours. The same can be said for people that are overly interested in solving their family problems or difficulties.

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24. I am catholic and I read that Tantra uses sex. It is a self proclaiming argument justifying itself. It is that the flesh is weak. How can you mislead people promoting sex in the name of enlightenment?

The Catholic church recognise the power of the second chakra (Svadhishthana) in the sacred creation of babies, new life. They would like you to believe this is the only and most important part of the sex act. When you reach this chakra in intercourse and make another human being we know this to be holy, awesome and incredible. The first chakra (Mooladhara) is where most people stay to have sex on a purely physical level.

In sexual tantra all the chakras are involved in a spiritual process that opens the physical, subtle, spiritual, psychic and energy body to the elements of God/Goddess in all forms. In tantra everything is sacred.

All human life began through sex and to deny its magnificence and power seems to be misleading people from all the faiths in all walks of life. Even bishops and holy men arrived on earth through sex and they were born from the most holy place in the female body, the Yoni.

I would say in fact that churches and faiths may well have denied the power of sex as a pathway to enlightenment because of its incredible personal power and ability to increase self-realisation not related to an outside church or power source. The practises might look too sexual for people not involved in the process and knowledge and understanding might be added to compassion and non-judgement in order to help you understand all the elements of tantra. It is an older and more profound system than many modern religions and much is based on sexuality and science through practise in the body. Our bodies are temples of light, our bodies in tantra are holy, sacred and spiritual. How can sex not be spiritual?

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25. My husband went to a Tantra workshop and we are now separated because of this, You are all evil. how can you do this to peoples live?

I am sorry that you have suffered. A marriage break-up is usually a complex thing and no one outside influence can be to blame entirely. When your husband attended the workshop any number of personal realisations or occurrences could have triggered his reactions. Tantra as a way to self-realise probably made him more aware of what he wanted and what he was in denial about.

It is best not to blame in these circumstances as personal recognition of your own part in this drama will be good for your healing and help you to carry on with life.

This is now your chance to work on yourself, become who you want to truly be and recognise your good intentions about yourself. There can be no right or wrong in this, people spilt up all the time.

I had a woman of 59 come to my sexual healing workshop. She left her husband of 35 years the next day and “credits” me with giving her the courage and perspective to do what she needed to do a long time ago. Her husband was having regular affairs with other women and she had suffered by not being honest with herself and her husband until this point. I know in fact that she never discussed this issue with me at all. She simply gave herself the power to take back her life and the trigger was the “wake-up” workshop experience for her.

Now she is living in her truth, single and alone at present, but very much happier and in her own home. She has begun her spiritual personal journey again and will be the better for it.

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26. You are a dangerous cult and should be reported to the authorities. Have you anything to say for yourselves?

The authority of spirit (which includes universal truths) is more important that human laws which are transitory, fashionable, power and ego-based. There are no human laws against spiritual sex and there should not be. A persons inner life is sacrosanct to her/him and their God.

If you live in self-realisation and awakened then you can see the effect that every word and deed has on others around you. You will not want to be evil, dangerous, dirty or unfair to others. If you live in Truth, you cannot harm others and you will not be afraid of anything. If you allow each human being to explore and see the beauty around them they will start to live in truth.
Yes, there is something very dangerous about self-realisation and it should be encouraged and nurtured in every being on earth. It is dangerous to those who want us all to be kept asleep and hypnotised by “authorities” , television, addictions, culture and modern society. Wake up! Come out of the matrix!

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27. I have these experiences where I hear and see God talking to me, telling me to do things. Is this a Tantric experience?

It’s unlikely that you hearing your God is tantric. But it is personal to you. If your God is asking you to do things that you know to be true and good then do them if you want. You are in direct conversation with your God, no one else.
But the consequences of your doing are yours as a human. You cannot use God to support you in a court of law for example, or to get you off stealing or harming another person. Your conversation has to be supported by your human consciousness.

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28. I felt at one with the Universe and everything was so blissful. Then I returned to my life in the city and everything I had experienced disappeared. I was very low down for weeks afterwards. How can I capture this.

When I began to have “At One” experiences this happened to me too, I would feel so incredibly blissful that I was overjoyed with love and harmony. I was puzzled when I would feel angry or inexplicably confused or low afterwards. The more I worked on myself and cleared myself of doubt, anger and confusion, the less this happened.

I live in an urban environment and it is very hard sometimes to stay awake and conscious when everything around you is so fast and hard. But hold on! It is possible, and preferable to allow the bliss experiences to last longer and longer until you are in a state of harmony with yourself and those around you.

This kind of balance, paradoxically, is not about living in a state of “positive high” either. True harmony comes when you are neither high nor low, you just “are”.

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29. I hate the job that I am in, what does Tantra have to say about it?

Love what you do. Do what you Love.

You don’t have to practise tantra to know that if you do what you love then your life will flow better and you will be happier. When you are happier life opens more opportunities to help you become happier still.

Since I was 21 years old I decided not to work in any place that I didn’t like. This has served me well through my life and I would never suggest to anyone to stay in a job that they “hate”.

My advice is therefore simple. Leave. Get a job and life that stops you being a victim and stops you using words of negativity about yourself like “hate” that don’t serve you and wont help you become who you truly are.

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30. I do not like having sex with my partner and I don’t have any desire for it. My partner has a very strong sex drive and I am afraid it will break us apart. Can Tantra help me?

If you do not like having sex with your partner it suggests a deep problem. I presume you are in an intimate relationship with him or her and it sounds like you want help to re-balance things.

Tantra might help you to see the many facets of sex and relationship on subtle levels. Tantra might give you experiences and exercises that would help you both to harmonise your sexual energies so that you are looked after properly in the sexual intimate experiences you share together. You also might simply need to learn more techniques to sexually turn each other on more efficiently.

It could be that you do not feel safe, or loved in a safe way. Being safe includes a person feeling good about their sexuality and their sexual self. It could be that you have experienced some fear, pain, or rushing, which has closed you down in intimate experiences with your lover.

If your lover has a greater libido than you then you can do many things for example make your lover work harder to get you feeling sexy. Make him masturbate in front of you to explore the depths of his energy himself and to allow you to rest at certain points in your lovemaking.

You could also look at your lifestyle. A person who eats too much and smokes cigarettes is much more likely to have a low libido for example. A mother after giving birth might have both a low libido and fear surrounding the sex act. Medical problems can exacerbate emotional fears. A person who has had previous difficulties or traumas in sex can feel fear or nerves opening up to someone else. If a new partner is not very compassionate then this may only add another layer of problem in your mind.

Seek help, understand yourself, get a clear idea of what is going on in your body and mind. Talk openly to your partner. Tackle the problem on many levels at once if you can. Ask yourself “does anything turn me on”? “What do I want to happen sexually?” “Do I need sexual healing?” Or even, “is this the right partner for me?”

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31. I have teenage children and they think that I am having sex with lots of people when I go to do Tantra. I don’t understand it all but I enjoy doing exercises with many partners?

As an independent adult you are entitled to have sex with however many other consenting adults that you like.
Having intimate tantric spiritual experiences with others in workshops is not the same as having sex with many people unless you are having intercourse with them afterwards, which you don’t say.

Personally I see the energies around lovers as being profound and intricate. When two lovers meet and their energies make music they become more and more spiritually intimate. In tantra this includes an intimacy with God and Goddess.
I do not favour having sexual intercourse with many people at once. In this sense I differ from some of the tantric schools around today. I like to share meditational energies with many but the song that I make in deep sexual psychic and spiritual union are those between myself and my lover.

Psychic energies can be ruined, burned and rent when you sleep with more and more people, especially unconsciously. Some people also use the situation to gain power. There are some forms of psychic vampirism that I have observed when people sleep with many others. Some accomplished sexual predators are trained to take energy from others. They can fill up their energy store to go on to another person and do the same. Some leave a “deposit” to mark their prey in case they want to hone in again.

In some cases having sexual intercourse with many people at once can create an emotional dysfunction. This is especially likely when the person has not been able to look at themselves or heal any past pain, anger and suffering before jumping in. if you want to do this sort of thing then there is no substitute for looking at yourself and working on yourself first.

When a person is sexually liberated and open, they can observe the situation from many perspectives and assess who and when they have sexual intercourse. Their values and judgements about what happens to their bodies are decided from an understanding of conscious choice and self realisation, including respecting and honouring the other person.

As a general rule I would advise against intimate sexual intercourse especially with the hope of relationship, with someone you have just met in a tantra class. In these situations you are probably “loved up” , your heart is more likely to be open, and you are more likely to love everyone and anyone. Enjoy the experience and live in the “now”. Nourish yourself from such love.

My students have learned the one moon rule to great effect. It is that within one moon you should be able to see the main characteristics of a person. If you think you would like to embark on an intimate relationship after that, then begin the rituals, exercises and courting to do just that.

When you get to know a person in an intimate way you will be able to communicate your deepest feelings so much more easily. This builds love and will help your relationship last and stay honest. In the special time before you have sex with someone you can then learn to tell the truth, increase respect and knowledge of the person and their past.

It is easy to say yes to sex.

But actually often difficult to say no.

It is difficult to be awake in the heady steamy atmosphere of sexual energy when two people desire each other.
Some tantric rituals spend months and months building energies and nurturing subtle erotic music from each others bodies before intercourse takes place. Some tantric rituals for sexual intercourse involve chanting for 28 days in each others presence or meditating together.

To make my beautiful son I took part in a tantric ritual that lasted two years and more than 24 moon cycles. It ended in his conception in Kathmandu, Nepal in a ten day Puja ritual with the Goddess Tara and on only one definitive sexual encounter and exchange of energy. He was born and named just as the angels had predicted and his life is blessed.

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32. What does intimacy and love have to do with Tantra.

Intimacy is the cornerstone of a good relationship. How you deal with your most intimate moments together shows your true self, and your emotional, sexual and social intelligence. This is where many people get into trouble and in many ways.
On the one hand a woman who has just given birth and is depressed will feel very different to her partner. If their relationship is built on more than physical sexual intercourse they can use other means to support each other and build true love together. In all relationships difficulties and challenges will appear and require unconditional Love to heal, experience and find solutions for. This learning is what a relationship is about, what it is really for.

Love seems to me to be very misunderstood. I see many people attached to their partners, sucking life’s energy from them in a psychic way like two co-dependents and calling it Love. When a couple choose to meet their energies together consciously they can also live independently when they need to. This requires inner strength and true love.

Love is also the core of our soul light. After everything is spent between two humans there is only Love left. No matter what has happened. I have personally experienced this and it is a revelation. There is no need for judgement, unfinished business or anything else. Unspoken elements of True Love are harmlessness, compassionate actions and deeds, and respect.

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33. How can I manage my sexual drive. I seem to be turned on at a drop of a hat, several times in an hour even. Can Tantra help?

Most healthy normal humans think about sex several times within an hour. I have carried out world wide research on this and can find no cultural, age or social differences to the responses. Most people interested in sex, think about it regularly.

I believe it means you are Alive and Well.

Try a spiritual practise like Tantric Kriya Yoga, Taoist Cultivation or Kundalini Yoga if you are seriously interested in harnessing your sexual energy.

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34. I love my partner but she does not understand my emotional and physical needs. I want to learn about Tantra. What can you advise me?

First of all, ask yourself if you understand your own emotional and physical needs? Can you write them down? Voice them clearly? Feel them in your body? How do you express this part of yourself?

Have you discussed this objectively with your lover? Can you ask her to allow you to show her what you want? Could you take her hand and guide her specifically, slowly, erotically, towards your own experience so you can merge together? Do you encourage her? Have you lost patience? Become exasperated with her? Can you spend some time to make her feel loved and wanted first so that she has confidence to please you?

Many tantric rituals begin by a couple sitting and looking at each other eye to eye. In Kriya yoga one exercise is to sit back to back, with your spines touching as much as possible for about ten minutes before you start to look each other in the eye. In this Kirtan, any negative “clouds” from each other are encouraged to rise through the spine and be evaporated in the sky.
34. I do Chi Gong and Tai Chi. I have control over my sexual need to ejaculate. Why would I need to do Tantra? I hear that Mantak Chia teaches Tantra, maybe I should try him for controlling my seaman circulation.

Mantak Chia is certainly one of the world’s leading teachers of Taoist sexual cultivation and you would do well to study his work carefully. He travels the world and is usually in London in November where you can take intensives. The type of energy practises you already study will suit your interest in his teaching very well.

Some other tantric practises are based on meditational and erotic psychic -spiritual experiences. Some forms of tantra are based on honouring the Goddess as a route to self liberation and realisation.

These also have enormous value and are worth exploring. You may find that by studying several layers of tantra your core practise of eastern arts of Taoism are strengthened and you are more sure of your path in consciousness.

There are many forms of tantra. Both God and Goddess are endless. Good luck on your journey.

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35. What is a Tantric Massage? What is the difference between it and ordinary massage?

There seems to be many forms and interpretations of the term tantric massage. I know that body touch and release in every form is a vital part of the healing of a human soul on a physical level. Many people are healed by a sexual massage which allows them to find release in orgasm and male and female ejaculation. This is what I believe most people expect when they have a tantric massage.

Massages can also heal a persons fears around touch and intimacy. Massage has a very beneficial effect on the physical body and is recommended medically to help guard against stress, depression, build up of fatty tissue and arterial clogging. I recommend an aromatherapy massage once a month if you can. Tantric massage for you if you are sexually distressed.

The tantric massage I teach is very different to this kind of muscular massage. I call it Mantra Massage. It has been gifted to me by Vajrayogini, the tantric Buddhist female deity who is my supreme teacher and support when I undertake spiritual sexual healing ceremonies. Usually I teach it fully clothed in healing workshops and at public festivals. Its so powerful that you don’t need to be undressed to benefit. When done naked, in privacy with candles, good music, an erotic atmosphere, it is incredible and powerful. Enjoy that with your lover.

By chanting holy words and sacred Sanskrit into the body, especially in particular places the body temple can be healed, reactivated, cleared and energised. This is one of my special gifts which I love to share with others. Using mantras the inner soul can be sung into existence, by honouring and calling the soul forth you can be sure to begin to call forth the very best of your lover, a most intimate way to communicate.

This is what I call the inner God and the inner Goddess of a person. This is the place where true love and deep respect for each other resides. The meeting Soul to Soul can take place. There are a series of experiences and exercises to help a person towards understanding and connecting on this level. These are the tantric practises such as Hello Yoga, which I discuss in depth in the opening question What is Tantra?

You can download my unfurling the rose meditation here, which I love to share with others.

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36. I want to be able to ejaculate, will a Tantric massage help?
37. I want to be able to come, will a Tantric massage be suitable?
38. What happens in a Tantric massage?

If you have difficulty ejaculating during sexual intercourse generally you might have deeper medical problems including diabetes and cigarette-related impotence. If you have emotional or mental difficulties often physical tantric massage can help release energies and past blockages. When the body is opened by a professional massage therapist, the energies can be safely unblocked and released helping you to heal. You may or may not experience ejaculation on the first visit depending on the depth and type of problem you have.

In female tantric massage the therapist might take up to six visits to completely open a woman and allow her to ejaculate.
In true Tantra, ejaculation is not the outcome of a tantric experience. Yes, the work is likely to make you juicy, but the inner work includes being in control of ejaculation and deciding when and in what circumstances you undertake this.

In many forms of tantra relating sexually is the important exchange of energy between lovers and whether it includes ejaculation is not important at all. Ejaculation is not the same as orgasm. Orgasms can be plentiful to the tantrika and do not include losing semen for men.

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39. Will the Tantric masseur sleep with me? I want to feel her inside.

It is unlikely in the extreme that a tantric masseur will sleep with you. They are likely to be breaking their own code of conduct as a registered and trained massage therapist if they do. They could jeopardise their insurance or place of work and practise.

It is likely that they will tell you exactly how intimate the touching will be and what you are likely to expect. If they don’t you must ask specifically to be told what will happen.

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40. I need sexual healing, I have been traumatised as a child and sexually abused and molested. Can Tantra help? I am a man and it has destroyed my life.

Many more people have been sexually traumatised than we generally believe. You are not alone in your suffering. I am sorry for your distress. You are worthy of great Love and Healing and I send you blessings.

I have a free download Sexual Healing Handbook from my website to help anyone terribly affected. I also recommend hypnotherapy and NLP to help you to see only the best in these experiences and to help you heal your past.

One good thing is that the present time, NOW, is where you are and you are not being molested now. You must congratulate yourself for surviving and getting to this place, and relatively in one piece. By asking this question you are now ready to heal yourself. You are more powerful now than when you were young and so bullied into this terrible experience. If you haven’t told anyone else of the trauma that is recommended as a first step. Perhaps rehearse by writing it down in private notebook?
Try and think of how you can be grateful for who you are now, and where the terrible experiences have brought you good things, such as inner strength. Then you can start to concentrate on healing yourself, mentally, spiritually and emotionally.
Over the years I have found many things to be important in my sexual healing journey and I hope they can give you a good idea of what can be done:

  • Increasing my sexual self esteem, by dressing well, especially underwear for example.
  • By valuing and loving my body and honouring my body as a sacred temple.
  • By increasing my emotional stability with good food, exercise, meditation and moderation in drinks, excess food etc
  • By learning to strengthen my subtle bodies, my Chi, my chakras and psychic protection
  • By knowing myself. That is to undergo almost constant self assessment and therapy of some kind.
  • I have always had a mentor who I learn and find integrity and wisdom.
  • I have teachers on earth too numerous to name in all subjects and disciplines and I am very blessed for this.

And throughout my adult life, a co-counsellor. This is a person to whom I am equal and share problems and come up with solutions and then help/support listen to my friend in the same way.

I have moved away from therapies that get me to go over and over the difficulties without intervention or solution-based approaches – like couples therapy, counselling and psychiatry. I found that writing my own mind script suited me better and the emotional freedom technique, Neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) and hypnotherapy suited this desire to be in control of my own thoughts and life.

Healing rituals including powerful forgiveness rituals can change your mind-body forever. I have undertaken some powerful Buddhist chanting rituals to change karma, forgive all enemies and find deep compassion for my tormentors.
On each new moon, called the dark moon, I try to clean the house and clean myself, renewing my purpose and physical body.

This is not only healing but when combined with a purpose to clear and heal sexually can be the subject of a beautiful personal healing bathe each new moon. Put petals of roses in the bath, light a candle, chant softly So Ham, surrender to your God. Breathe. Release unwanted feelings into the water. Bless the water and thank the angel of water for carrying away your grief, pain, misunderstandings, abuse and negativity you don’t want. Let the water take your tears.
Treat yourself with love and care and nurture your own inner feelings. No one else is as interested in your emotional and spiritual strength. Get a programme together for yourself, don’t leave it to chance.

Strengthen yourself by using Sanskrit mantras. Om Shanti for inner peace. Explore the slipstream of psychic energy created in the heavens by the use of these ancient and sacred words. They are there to help you. All the energy of each person on earth who said them before you are also helping you now.

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41. I want to get away from my life, my husband and job. Can Tantra help me make a decision?

You are responsible for your life. You sound like you are in a very negative place and want to stop what is happening.

My repeated and general advice is :

Do what you Love. Love what you Do.

Tantra can be used as a teaching of self-realisation that will help you have rightful perspective on your life, ambitions and relationships. It is not a practise that can be understood in a weekend and you might be putting too many expectations on these practises.

If however you are in for the long term and you want to create a deep knowledge of yourself and your other worlds then tantra can be a profound spiritual practise.

Bless you on your journey. Don’t forget to take a good deep breath and get out there.

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42. How can I become enlightened?

The practise of tantra can help a person to understand enlightenment. Doing the work and practising the exercises are the route to take towards enlightenment.

Start with a foundation practise such as Hatha Yoga, or Tai Chi and build on the esoteric knowledge and practises. You will be guided as to the best practise that you know from inside yourself.

Some of the practises are very profound, they include ancient and scientific methods of breathing, meditating and visualisation that have repeatable effects. By carrying out the practises to the letter under the training of a sincere yogi or guru, you can be sure that you will be on the way to your personal enlightenment.

Your quest towards enlightenment and the search and journey of the soul, is an important step to help the whole of humanity towards their enlightenment. Each time you carryout work on yourself to help you towards this path you are helping humanity.

The Sufi’s say, there is no other journey you have other than the ascension of the soul.

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43. Do they do a lot of tantra in India? Is Tantra Indian?

I have heard that tantra in India today is very much misunderstood. The clash of cultures is causing chaos and many tantric practises have been misinterpreted in a fast moving modern world and re-labelled as black magic and witchcraft.
Other tantric temples and practises have been called cults and been shunned by Indian society even though many visitors arrive from all over the world.

Many forms of tantra started in India. See the www.shivashakti.com website of Mike Magee for an incredible understanding of Tantrism in the east and its links to Indian spiritual culture.

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44. Is Tantra a religion? Is it a religion?

Tantric practises are considered by some to be a religion.
And most definitely not a religion by others.

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45. Do I have to Believe in Tantra before I do it or can benefit from it?

Tantric practises can be started and undertaken by anyone and benefit can be immediate or not at all.
You do not have to believe in anything to begin.

In tantra it seems to be of importance to come to the conclusion that you must believe in yourself.

The benefits of tantra are also discussed in the question What is Tantra?

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46. Are there different types of Tantra?

I know of at least 200 types of tantra. From eastern Buddhism, to Celtic magical rituals, to ancient secret mysteries and esoteric practises there seems to be as many practises as there are religions.

Brilliant.

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47. Tell me the different colours of Tantra.

There are said to be 5.2 million colours now visible to the human eye that can be processed through digital coding on computers for the film industry. I wonder if that is how many types of tantra there are?

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48. Does Tantra have a practical application to life?


The practise of specific forms of tantra such as tantric kriya yoga, Buddhist meditations and kundalini yoga can have a direct but subtle effect on all parts of your life.

Being present and awake is a powerful tool for spiritual liberation and enlightenment.

Tantra can help you to observe the situations you are in. Tantra can help you to find more compassion in yourself, for yourself and others. Tantra can help you to be more sexually intelligent and communicate with your partner on many levels.

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49. Do I need to follow a Guru to do Tantra? Why should I follow a Guru?

Not everyone will find or follow a guru for their spiritual practise. You can practise tantra alone, with a partner or under the tutelage of a spiritual master or guru.

Learning with a guru will help you to increase your practise and take your experiences to another level.
Sometimes a tantrika, a female goddess in human form, will come to you in your life and create a relationship to show you tantra in human form made real in direct transmission through sexual relationship. Taoists believe “human females are life itself”.

Many forms of tantra are found in the veneration of the female as a living deity, or Goddess through which the seeker can reach the heavenly realms.

Ultimately you are your own guru. Your awakening, your self-realisation, is the key to understanding your truth and knowledge.

“Second-hand knowledge of the self gathered from books or gurus can never emancipate a man until its truth is rightly investigated and applied; only direct realisation will do that. Realise yourself, turning the mind inward.” Tripura Rahasya, 18: 89

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50. Should I do anything my teacher / master tells me to do?

This depends entirely on what kind of relationship and agreement you have with your teacher/master, on what path you travel and what you think is best for your body and mind at the time you ask.

Get clarity. Ask questions. Delve deeply into your Higher Self, who holds your knowledge and truth at all times.

Agree limits, if necessary. Or boundaries. Create your own safety. If you are learning in order to submit and relax in intimacy then that is what you will be able to receive.

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51. Why do Gurus tell people to do sex with people they do not know?

I do not know of any guru or teacher today that tells us to have sex with people they do not know.

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52. What is the rainbow body?

In Buddhism the rainbow body is the soul leaving the body of a holy or special person who had reached this life and died in peace with his or her soul. I have seen rainbows in the sky when a very special man died and when we honoured his passing even in another country far away.

It is also the place between the solar plexus and the heart chakra where the bridge takes us to meet the soul and its rainbow body allowing us to reach towards enlightenment.

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53. What does Tantra have to say about relationships?

Tantra in its true form has a lot to say about relationships.

In some forms of tantric sexual union the person becomes at peace with and brings forth images and visualisations that create a merging of the God or Goddess within and the person’s human energy. This meeting is profound and helps to form a deep respect and natural caring in the human relationship.

Being conscious and awake in self-realisation is an important place to have a meaningful relationship with another person. By living in truth, you can expect to be challenged but ultimately your relationship will be without fear and therefore be much stronger.

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54. What does Tantra have to say about gay / lesbian relationships?

The meeting of Yin and Yin (feminine) and Yang and Yang (masculine) energy is discussed in great detail in various sexology works throughout time. There seems as many in favour as there are against these practises.

Being a woman myself it is easy for me to say how beautiful I find the female form and how extraordinary and bountiful and erotic I find female-female sexual experiences. I don’t know how I would feel if I were a man, but I know I would like to be what I wanted to be rather than told by others.

Some gay/lesbian relationships hurt and abuse. Some heterosexual relationships hurt and abuse. All relationships are capable of bringing out the best and the worst in people of any age, any culture.

The intention, quality and sacredness of the relationship is the important factor to observe in whatever sexual mix you find yourself.

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55. What is the difference between Tantric sex and psychedelic sex?

I presume by psychedelic sex you mean drug induced hallucinations or ritually induced psychosis experiences that create visual images in the astral realms?

If so there is a great deal of difference. The astral realms contain a great deal of crap and psychic static, holding people down and stopping them from reaching their heart chakra, and using the rainbow bridge to meet true Unconditional Love.
When a person reaches the astrals they can feel like they are in heaven and hell at the same time. They can see visions that might just as likely be wayward spirits trying to influence as good energies to help. The astral road might be psychically treacherous but initially welcoming and exciting. Its like getting caught up in a funky but deadly fashion boutique on the way to university and forgetting to carry on your journey.

Using drugs to influence sexual experiences can often entice a person on the road to the astral realms. Having relationships that are not living in Truth are a more subtle way to encourage this type of hell in sexual experiences.
Learning to differentiate and using good judgement and self knowledge are important foundations to show you the differences between astral and other dimensions.

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56. Are there any age limits?

Most tantra is practised today within the realms of “adult” programmes, that means over 18.
There are however no laws nor age limits for parents to teach their children about sacred sex, tantra, self-realisation and personal growth.

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57. How could I be tantric when I meet my new lover?

The first thing you might do is say “namaste” (Sanskrit – I love God in You) when you meet and before a spiritual and sexual encounter. Breathing and being still help to increase the energy.

By being awake and conscious you can properly explore relationship together. After about one month together you will naturally start to create patterning, that is you do what you always do, most especially if you haven’t learnt from the past and its mistakes. By being conscious through the process you can stop old patterns and build new, positive and spiritual practises that you can both enjoy and begin together.

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58. Can I choose what I want to wear at a tantric workshop? Do I have to be naked?

You can wear whatever you want in a tantric workshop. Sometimes exercises ask participants to be undressed, but it is usually up to the individual to choose. Sometimes workshops ask for loose clothing so you can be natural and free when dancing, jumping and playing especially.

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59. Is tantra dangerous in any way?

Any spiritual practise can be dangerous. Sometimes the danger is more to do with challenging your personal fears. Sometimes danger is in front of you in order for you to choose another route.

Sometimes you can put yourself in danger by attending workshops or meeting people that “suck” your spiritual energy.

Sometimes tantra can be dangerous because it “brings up” your past your fears or your psychosis.

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60. Do tantric practises include group sex or sexual intercourse with two women as I am a man who fantasises about this?

Many men fantasise about having sexual intercourse with two women, this is normal and common.
In reality people have to be very mature emotionally to have sex with two other people. If one of the group is immature psychological problems can arise very quickly and a trio can be challenged enormously. Generally there are only a few tantric practises that allow the freedom and the experience of sleeping with more than one person at the same time.
There is generally a “price” to be paid for an unconscious relationship, whether with one two or more partners.
Heart based tantra like Kriya Yoga explores relationship in the context of love and intimacy.

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61. I am a person with many fantasies, would tantra help me or make my mental passion worse?


Tantra might be able to help you to use the experience and power of your sub-conscious and creative mind and harness the energy in your body for the purpose of bringing yourself into awakeness. Tantric Kriya yoga helps a person become heart-centred, and so uses sexual passion through the body to stimulate the brain, the central nervous system for healing and the illumination of the psychic awareness centres.

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62. If I engaged in tantric practises with my friends, would this affect our normal friendship and social relationship?

For some people the practise will strengthen friendships, for others the practises might be too challenging and demanding.
In order to burn off past karma you might need to sort out certain unfinished business or experiences with friends in any event.

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63. If I was new to tantra could I be exploited or subject to unscrupulous practises?

There are so many tantric schools and practises that is of course possible for you to be exploited. Find in your own body a system where your body can speak to you, inwardly telling you if a situation is clear and sacred or difficult and exploitative.
The more you learn and explore, the more you will be able to find strength in your own convictions and experiences. You do not have to do anything you feel is inappropriate for you and your body. If you are not in control of your own body and decisions about it, just who is?

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64. What is the origin of Tantra?

Tantra is probably the oldest spiritual system. Ancient documents have been found from thousands of years, and certainly before Christianity that explore tantra and the spiritual awakening of a human. It is thought that tantra was practised in ancient Egypt and across the world for many thousands of years.

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65. Is masturbation an essential part of tantra?

No.

Masturbation is certainly not essential for tantra practise although it is certain that a tantrika needs to be able to pleasure themselves without fear, guilt or disempowerment. Your own body is the thing you own and know best including the knowing of self-pleasure.

You can also increase your base energy by masturbation.

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66. Can I get high from tantric practises?

People can get very blissed out when they access tantra inside themselves. There is the possibility and potential for a person to reach a very high vibration through tantric practise and it is a real possibility that a person could access the natural bliss inside themselves, called the inner Soma by Buddhist practitioners.

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67. How can I start tantric practises right now then?

Start by noticing yourself, looking at how you are to the outside world. Start by becoming aware of what is around you and how you are dealing with the world. The expansion of your consciousness is the most potent goal of tantra, being awake and alive is the first step towards this, with or without a partner.

68. Why is tantra associated with sex in the west?

Tantra is associated with sex because it is one of the easiest ways to experience bliss and pleasure that opens the subtle channels, especially the kundalini which moves up the spine.

The energy of the body is in its first and most basic form sexual and the Mooladhara, the base chakra, is the store of this Shakti force, which is often visualised as a snake. When unlocked, through yogic, esoteric or specialised tantric practises this Shakti rises, often causing physical shaking, and opens all the chakras.

This is often the start of a personal spiritual or conscious awakening. During sexual intercourse the energy of the first chakra is also stimulated and can inadvertently flow the Shakti upwards and to rise without pre-learned practises. The opening of these psychic channels is more usually undertaken with the support of an experienced tutor or spiritual teacher.

I believe many people can begin as lazy and want a quick-fix-spiritual experience. Tantric sex workshops for the adventurous person can seem like an easy way to meet women or men for free sexual experiences.

Not all tantra is sex related. Those that are usually relate the sexual experience to the Shakti force in some way and use divine expressions of their sexuality to explore awakeness, divine love and connection.

Not all sexual tantric workshops or practises involve actual sex either. In some practices it is forbidden, others encourage using the sexual energy to heal or energise the body elsewhere. Certain Taoist methods encourage the storing of sexual energy as “Jing” in the Tan Tien, the hara. There are many schools and methods.

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All content copyright of Bernadette Vallely 2009